Does This Darkness Have a Name?
by DamonFan1300
Summary: a large series of drabbles and one shots! some longer then others! will be several chapters long and will also cover several different events such as loss, happiness, grief, drama, guilt, and more! Some AU and some follow a specific episodes! Will change point of views and switch between second, first, and third person! Will get darker later on! starts younger goes until sam age 18
1. Chapter 1- Rainy Days

Chapter 1: Rainy Days

I followed Sam outside as he pulled me by the arm out the door.

"Sam slow down, where are you taking me?" I exclaimed. Sam ran towards the puddles in the yard and splashed around in them as thunder sounded over- head and rain drizzled down. Sam had turned 6 today and though dad hadn't been here to celebrate, I would make sure he had the best day I could give him.

"Come on Dean! It's fun!" Sam jumped from puddle to puddle and I couldn't help but chuckle as I watched how easily entertained and content he was with spending his birthday playing in the rain.

"Ok, I'm coming" I answered him as I ran back inside, pulled on my jacket and went back outside. As soon as I got to a puddle Sam jumped up in the air and splashed me, soaking me.

"Sam!" I said annoyed.

"Sorry" Sam answered. I smirked at him,

"Now you're gonna get it!" I jumped in a puddle beside him and soaked him completely, a lot more than he had gotten me wet.

"No fair!" Sam pouted, "You're bigger than me!"

"So?" I questioned. I could see he was upset at the unfair height and weight advantage I had over him and I sighed, "Ok Sammy, here you can get me, free shot." Sam smiled impishly and jumped as hard as he could, soaking me even more then I already was. Soon enough I was chasing him around the yard, splashing in puddle after puddle and getting mud caked onto our shoes and jeans. As I chased Sam around a short turn I watched him go down. Slipping across the rain covered gravel driveway and smacking his chin as he landed.

"Sam!" I shouted as I ran over to him to see him sprawled out on his stomach, as I reached him he was already pushing himself up. He was sniffling and I could see tears building in his eyes as he tried his hardest not to cry, he was holding his hands close to him and I choked back a gasp as I saw blood dribble down his chin.

"Here lemme see Sammy" I told him. He shook his head as he bit his bottom lip and I sighed, "Come on Sam." Sam held out his hands, palms facing up and I took in the injury. His hands were covered in blood from where he had caught himself on the gravel and now that he had looked at them full on he started whimpering.

"It…. stings" he said shakily as he sniffled again.

"Come on let's go get you cleaned up" I said as I pulled him to his feet. Sam followed me inside and I took him into the bathroom, there was Neosporin on the top shelf and a pack of Thomas the Tank Engine band aids. I turned the water on and looked over at Sam. "Here put your hands under" I instructed.

"No, it's gonna hurt" Sam said as he backed away.

"Sam I got to get off the blood" I told him.

"No!" Sam squealed as he backed up further, he would have fallen into the tub if I hadn't reached out and grabbed his ar,. He starts crying as I pull him towards the sink and I looked apologetically down at him.

"I'm….trying….to…help" I say as I grunt with the strain of pulling him.

"No! Dean!" Sam cries, "Don't'!" I ignore his cries for the greater good and I grip his wrists as I hold his palms under the cold water. Sam is screaming now and I try to comfort him as he tries not to look at his cut up hands. The blood washes down the sink and in a moment or two the blood stops coming and I let go of Sam's wrists. As I push a dry washcloth down onto them. He pulls his hands to him and sits down on the toilet seat his bottom lip trembling and his cheeks tear-stained and flushed red. I kneel down with the Neosporin on my finger holding it out to show Sam the next step. He's fine with this part and I rub in the cream as gently as I can. It takes three band aids on each hand to cover the scratches and Sam wipes his eyes with the back of his hand as I finish, placing a band aid on his chin as well.

"There ya go Sam, all done" I tell him. He nods and gives a small smile as I stand up to leave.

"Thanks Dean" he says.

"No problem Sammy" I answer as I head out and hear Sam trotting after me. I sit down on the couch and Sam sits in his favorite chair. I flip on the TV and wait eagerly for dad to come home.


	2. Chapter 2- Big Brother Dean

Chapter 2: Big Brother Dean

_(Sam age 6 and Dean age 10)_

_Sam's POV_

I watch as dad pulls into the park and I get out of the car and run towards the slide as quick as I can. I look behind me to see dad has called Dean back and is explaining something to him I can't make out. I decide to just make it to the slide by myself, besides I know that Dean will come soon enough. I notice there are quite a few other kids on the playground and there's a line going to the top of the slide. I climb the steps and watch as kids start walking back down the way they had come up looking pretty sad. One little girl is even crying and I wonder what could be happening up at the top. I find out as soon as I reach it. There is an older boy with curly red hair blocking the other kids from getting onto the slide and I try to walk past him when I think he's not paying attention. The second I pass he nudges me back and looks down at me.

"Where do you think you're going?" the boy laughs.

"Down the slide" I answer. Another boy this one is taller and has dark hair, steps up beside the red haired kid and sneers at me,

"No one goes down this slide without Connor's permission" he says.

"Well then can I go down?" I ask as I look at Connor.

"Yeah right sissy" he says, "Not unless you think you can fight me and win." I know I can't and I turn around. I hear him laugh and right when he's not expecting it I slip past him and go down the slide.

"Hey!" Connor shouts as he looks down at me from the top. "You're dead!" Slides down, the other boy following and I take off, running as fast as I can away from them. The rubber mulch shifts under my foot and sprays out behind me with every step I take, I feel like I am flying but apparently not as fast as I think. They are taller, older, and faster. They catch up with me and Connor cuts me off so I have nowhere to go. I try to dodge him but he shoves me backwards, knocking me right into the other boy. He grabs my arms painfully behind me and Connor walks towards me. He punches me hard in the stomach and I inhale sharply as I take the blow. I feel his fist collide with my nose and this time I scream in pain. He doesn't get a chance to do it again. I watch as Dean grabs the boy by the back of the shirt and yanks him backwards. Connor lands on his back and Dean kicks him hard repeatedly in the side, the boy is sobbing now and Dean walks towards the boy holding my arms. He doesn't even have to touch this one. As soon as the boy sees Dean walking towards him he takes off running. He turns back to Connor and glares down at him, "Touch my brother again and you're dead." Dean is about to run after the other boy but I grab his arm before he can.

"Dean its ok I'm fine" I tell him as I try my best to not notice the pain coming from my throbbing nose.

"Look at you Sam, you're not fine" Dean says. I reach up to my nose and bring my hand away, as I had imagined it comes back red and sticky. Dean sighs and kneels down as he rips a bit of the end of his shirt and puts it to my nose. He leads me back to the picnic table under a white awning.

"Tip your head back and keep it like that for a few minutes" he says. I nod and after a few minutes the bleeding stops. Dean had packed some food for lunch and I eat my sandwich hungrily. PB and J my favorite! I look over at Dean and watch as he pulls out not one but three turkey and cheese sandwiches! I have never understood how he eats so much but I don't ask him, instead I enjoy my sandwich and take off towards the playground, I don't run into those boys again, I am grateful for my big brother.


	3. Chapter 3- What About Angels?

Chapter 3: What About Angels?

_(Sam age 6 and Dean age 10)_

_Sam's POV_

I looked at the kaki colored pants in front of me and white shirt with buttons on it. I had never worn these clothes before and I didn't understand why I had to now. I stood in my boxers and looked over at Dean who had on a darker blue shirt and the same kind of pants that were lying on the bed in front of me. I watched as he combed his hair and I glanced back over at the clothes.

"Sam what are you doing?" Dean walks over to the bed, grabbing the clothes in his hands.

"Why do we have to wear this stuff?" I ask.

"Cause we're going to church" Dean answers as he slides the shirt over my head.

"Why? We never go before" I say. The shirt is itchy and the buttons are too tight.

"Cause there was a case there, and dad wants to talk to the priest as soon as he can" Dean replied, "Hurry and put on your pants you're gonna make us late." I pull them on and sigh as Dean hands me the comb. I brush my hair as best I can and follow him down the stairs.

"Come on boy's we'll get breakfast after" he says. I sit in the back and Dean gets in the passenger seat. We drive off and arrive at a big building a few minutes later. We walk inside and I watch as my dad dips his hand in water and does this weird movement across his shoulders and chest with it. He tells both of us how to do it and me and Dean follow as best we can. We sit in the wood benches and after about 30 minutes my butt is numb and I keep shifting uncomfortably in the seat, sliding back and forth.

"Cut it out Sam" Dean mumbles annoyed as he looks over at me.

"I don't like these seats" I tell him.

"Deal with it Sam, we'll be out soon" he replies. We sit in the hard seats for what seems like hours before something the priest says catches my attention.

"…..These angels are fierce warriors of God; you know it is said each of us even has our own guardian angel that God sends to watch over his people on earth." After it's over Dean and me go to the car and I sit in the back, thinking non -stop about these "angels."

"Dean, are angels real?" I ask after a minute. I mean maybe they could be, I've learned about lots of creatures that I never thought were real and then they did turn out to be real, vampires, werewolves, did that mean these things could exist too?

"Course not Sam, why would you ask that?" Dean questioned.

"How do you know?" I demand.

"They just don't Sam" Dean replies.

"Why not?" I say, they had to be real, there was no reason they couldn't.

"You really wanna know?" Dean asks as he turns around in his seat and looks over at me looking mad.

"Yeah" I answer.

"Because Sam, mom always used to tell me that guardian angels looked after me, and protected every person on earth…" he starts.

"See I knew it was true!" I say excitedly. My mom was the smartest person in the world, she'd never be wrong about anything.

"No Sam you don't get it!" Dean yells, making me jump, "She said they protect everyone! Well then how come she died? How come her "guardian angel" didn't protect her?"

"I….I don't know" I answer truthfully.

"Exactly! She didn't deserve to die Sam, especially being killed by a demon! Where was her angel?" he demands. I don't know how to answer that and I sit silently looking down at my feet. Dad enters the car a minute later and we drive off, I remain staring at the ground thinking, _Dean's right, they couldn't really exist or my mommy would still be alive._

_Please review! I would greatly appreciate it!_


	4. Chapter 4- Dean's First Hunt

Chapter 4: Dean's First Hunt

_(Sam age 6 and Dean age 10)_

Dean's POV

I remember charging into the woods with dad for the first time, as I held the pistol in my hand and kept my finger on the trigger with every step I took. I was scared but I didn't let that show, I needed to be brave not just for my dad but for Sam. I knew he was sitting in the car a half mile away, too young to start hunting. I was worried about him sitting alone in the Impala but what dad said went and I wasn't gonna question his orders. Dad gestures for me to get down and we both get down on our bellies, dad pushing my head down when I pop it up to see what we're aiming at.

"Shhh, get ready son" he whispers.

"I don't see anything" I whisper back. Dad scoots away a little bit and gestures with his head for me to move closer to him.

"Look through here" he says. I look through the crevice in between the two boulders we are behind and it's then that I spot a jet black wolf. I gasp and dad cover's my mouth as the wolf pops its head up and glances over at us.

"Quiet Dean, we've gotta get the edge on that beast" he says in a hushed voice. "Werewolves are notorious for their hearing and sense of smell." I nod and he releases his hold. "Ready your aim, turn safety off." I do the proper technique and aim the gun. "One, two…" but before he can say three the wolf leaps and lands on dad. It pin's him down with its paws, its massive jaws snapping as it tries to bite him. Dad holds it back, pressing his arms against its shoulders and chest to keep it from reaching him. I freeze, fear instantly taking hold of me and dad glances over at me.

"Kill it Dean!" he shouts. My hands are shaky as I aim the pistol and the first shot I fire is off by a landslide. "Hurry Dean!" he yells as his arms look like they are about to cave.

I calm my breathing and aim again, right as the werewolf is lunging towards me. It goes down hard and blood dribbles down from a wound in its forehead. Dad pats me on the back, "Good work Dean" he says as he walks off towards the road. I look down at the lifeless body of the wolf and tell myself it wasn't really a human, it was an monster, and what I just did probably saved lots of people, that is at least what I tell myself to justify the gut wrenching feeling of guilt that seems to hit me in waves.

**PLEASE review! I would love any suggestions you guys have for future chapters! **


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